The first thing I discovered is that I absolutely hate the pattern on the chairs in my buildings’ study lounge. They’re this muted gray with sporadic honeycomb patterns all over it in a variety of colors. They’re gross looking. As I stared in disgust I thought for a fleeting moment that maybe I did actually like them. Nope. I was right the first time. They’re ugly.

I am a champion over-thinker. In high school, I would agonize over the smallest things like how my feet were positioned in class. This proved to still be true. As I sat here trying for these 15 minutes to just relax and let my mind flow, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I was going to write for this assignment and whether or not I was going to have to present it. It wasn’t time to start thinking about any of that yet and already I was worried about what I would say and exactly how I would say it so as to not look ridiculous in front of my classmates. I’ve discovered recently that I don’t think for myself. Not in the sense that I don’t have my own thoughts, opinions or feelings because trust me I do. But in the sense that in the back of my mind there’s always this tiny voice worrying about what someone else is going to have to say about it. Even writing this down, I’m worried that there would be someone reading this rolling their eyes wondering how I could be so silly to worry so much about what others think. See, champion over-thinker. Maybe this is the reason why I use my phone so much. When I’m my phone I don’t have to think about anything. Or, maybe this is the reason why I have an issue with overthinking and analyzing in the first place. The internet is so full of so many thoughts, opinions and ideas it can almost begin to feel like yours don’t matter. 

As this reflection on my thought process comes to a close, I hope I can start to change the fact that I over-analyze everything. I already limit a lot of my time on my phone but maybe its time to limit it even more. Not everything is as big of a deal as my brain likes to make me think it is. Maybe its time I start believing that.

  • Brianna O’Doherty