By: Helen Dotchel

I am the most anxious person I know. Because of this, I was nervous to begin my fifteen minutes of silence. To most people, this may seem trivial. Why would I be nervous about sitting alone in silence with my own thoughts? I feared the worst from myself. I thought I would immediately slip into a spiral of my own anxieties, fears, and stress. To be fair, I spiral a lot. I fill every second of my day with activities, homework, music, and phone time with the intent to distract myself and stay busy.

I started this assignment, and, honestly, the first five minutes were awful. I expected to be anxious, so I was. I experienced the kind of intrusive thoughts that can ruin someone’s hour. These thoughts include “You are now aware of your own breathing,” as well as “You are now aware that you are blinking.” My mind can be my own worst enemy. Eventually, however, I became distracted by the silence of my room. I never sit in a room that is completely quiet. I never find time to be alone with myself. Suddenly, I loved it. I felt free. 

As my fifteen minutes continued, I started having ideas. While ideas are not a novelty, I rarely have as many good ideas in an hour as I had in the last ten minutes. I now have plans to redecorate my room. I started thinking about my major and wondered if I could get a theater minor. I thought about joining clubs, about training for a marathon, and about organizing my study materials. 

Realistically, this should not have been a life changing experience. Fifteen minutes is nothing compared to a day. I, personally, should at least have fifteen minutes a day without my phone, without music, without distraction. I realized with a bit of horror today that I rarely put my phone down if I am not actively doing something else.I am constantly distracted.  I intend to include more silence in my life daily. This assignment taught me with my phone in hand constantly, I am never truly alone.