How are you doing? A simple question with an answer so tangled and complicated I’m not even sure I could genuinely answer it even if I tried my hardest to. 

The simple answer: I’m doing well all things considered. My father was declared essential personnel at his job so he is still able to go into work every day.  And my mother is still able to work from home so we aren’t worried about money any more than we normally are, a fact we are very thankful for. And all of my friends and family are safe and healthy. So I suppose in the grand scheme of things I don’t have much to complain about.

The complicated answer: Leaving Delaware so abruptly cut deep. The fact that I’m beginning to tear up as I sit here at my dining room table writing this proves that statement to be even more true than I suspected. I had finally started to feel like I was figuring things out. The first semester was hard for me as I’m sure it was for most of my classmates. Trying your best to figure out your place on this huge campus full of thousands of people. And, at the risk of being too personal, I went through a very difficult break up with someone who was unintentionally emotionally abusive and left me as a walking shell of myself. So coming back the second semester I made it my mission to have an amazing time and to make the most of everything.

And it felt like I was doing just that. I had fallen into a routine that I really enjoyed. I was able to get up, actually get ready for class, and get breakfast every morning. I would get lunch with and hang out with my friends several times a week, workout every night, and actually go out on the weekends instead of just sitting inside. And I had just started a relationship with one of the most wonderful people I have ever met. I was finally starting to feel like I had hit my stride after months of feeling lost. So needless to say when I had to rush down to Delaware and pack up my entire dorm, my life, my home for the last several months so abruptly, without even being able to say goodbye to many of my friends hurt. I fully understand that this was necessary for the safety of all of us and I would rather us be home and safe then at school worrying about our health. I’m sure everyone feels this way. But it was still incredibly disheartening having to leave everything behind so soon and shift into a “new normal” where everything feels very uncertain and it feels easy to fall into pits of anxiety or depression, something I have done a few times as I’m sure most of my classmates have as well.

As I’ve said before, I believe that everything happens for a reason. That still holds true for me even with all of this madness going on around us. I believe that things will turn out okay and that there will be some good that comes of this. Issac Newton had to take several months off of school due to a large outbreak of the plague in 1665. He has said that it was due to that break, during which he was able to really take time to focus, that he was able to make several breakthroughs in his scientific field. There will be good in the end. That, however, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t, for lack of a better term, suck right now. It still does, and it might for a little while. But in the end, I believe that we will all be together once again. Embracing, dancing, celebrating, and of course using as much toilet paper as we can possibly can.