Beads of moisture
Mellow heart beat
Limbs sprawled like rolled dice
Mouth as cotton as my ribbed tank
Birds chirping
Branches still
Windows wide
Thighs peel off of leather like tape
Fans oscillate like heads of tennis spectators
Looking from one spacey face to the next
A brief breeze only when it’s my turn to return the ball
Outside, the merciless sun ignites flames on my skin
The clouds offer no shelter
And a tangible heat suffocates me
As it turns out
The weather forecast was wrong
And the A.C. is broken
-Maddy Mengel

Maddy,
I really enjoyed your poem. The imagery is beautiful and very descriptive, especially in phrases like “limbs sprawled like rolled dice” and “Mouth as cotton as my ribbed tank.” I also appreciated the final line “And the A.C. is broken.” Your title made your poem seem like it would have a very sad tone, and the final line brought the whole piece together.
~Helen Dotchel
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Each line of your poem brought a new element to describing the environment. The detailed imagery helped me to picture the scenery that you were describing. For example, the line “Outside, the merciless sun ignites flames on my skin” just puts into perspective how hot it was outside. I liked how your descriptions built upon one another, and you ending with the short line, “And the AC is broken.” It was a great way to kill the suspense you built up.
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I really liked the descriptive language used, especially when you said “thighs peel off leather like tape”. This use of language caught my attention and allows me to imagine and feel for myself how hot it is, even though it is very cold by me. This was very well written and I greatly enjoyed reading your piece.
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